Every so often we encounter a child who has what we call a processing problem. If you look this disorder up on the web, you will get your usual fare of quasi answers. It's basically attention deficit; it's autism; it's a hearing problem; it's a sequencing problem at the heart. The truth is, scientists don't know what causes it and what to do about it.
Let's look at the child so readers understand what the problem processor is. The child who has difficulty processing simply does not make any sense when you talk to him. If you ask a child if he wants a chocolate, his response is something like, "My mom told me I need to sit down."
If you compliment, redirect, or initiate conversation with a poor processor, the response will be as off the wall. Ultimately someone who compliments has no place to go. "You look nice today; I like your dress." The response, "There are books on the floor and my mom said they should be on the shelf." It finishes the conversation. If you redirect the poor processor, by saying, "You need to put that away," the answer might be: "But the rabbits are in the pen." If you initiate new conversation with a poor processor, he can be so taken back by not having a ready response, he will look at you with horror while you repeat and repeat your question. You can ask a poor processor the same question fifteen times, and they can't answer. In fact, they often can't repeat the question you have asked 15 times.
Having worked with some troubled processors on a daily 10 hour a day schedule, and actually removing much of the problem, here's the truth: Processing problems are a communication problem, and that communication problem begins in infancy. It begins because the parent does not communicate appropriately with the child. The child is cared for in a silent, no eye contact manner from the beginning. The child does not learn at the appropriate time what the conversational exchange is supposed to be. Perhaps it is a question of not wanting or liking the child or being too alone and disillusioned by the whole motherhood process. Because when you regard the parents of these children, they are likable, friendly sometimes outgoing people.
From the moment of birth, children want to know. They make eye contact almost immediately. They want to know about everything, and only the caretaker can show, tell, teach them about everything all the time. If that doesn't happen, then the child will draw a blank. He looks at the parent; the parent doesn't look back. The child coos at the parent; the parent does not respond. The child cries, and the parent takes care of his needs, but in silence. During the day, the child is fed, but there are no words to teach pleasure. The child is changed, and there are no expressions to show relief or humor or anything, so the child does not learn response. For the numerous things we do during the day for babies, there are usually compatible words and expressions that teach a child how to respond, so when it is time to respond with a smile, a coo, a laugh, he does.
At the same time, the well meaning parent places the child in front of TV for hours because the parent has nothing to say to the child, and supposedly, the TV does. This is a double whammy. TV expects no response; it just goes on and on in an incessant drone. This reinforces the child's lapse in conversational response and ultimately teaches him that conversation is noise and only noise. There is no reason for it.
Years ago a good friend of mine wanted desperately to work with me. I gave her a job and she told me after about a week, "I feel really stupid talking to these kids." It was an eye opener for me because that's all you do as a young mother, talk to the kids! From the beginning when a child is handed to the mother, even the most ordinary mother speaks to her child. I remember saying to my kids at birth, "Welcome to the world," and the conversation is still going on as much as 37 years later. I'm sure most mothers can think back and remember the little things they said to their babies.
So it does happen from the nicest people and most well meaning people.
Now what to do about it:
When a teacher gets any child, there is no going back, no changing what has gone before, so the idea is to take a child where he is and take him as far as he can go. The teacher must try to re-teach conversation, but it's not easy. First the personality of the child has to be willing to change enough to begin to understand conversational exchange is important.
Most of these kids are lost, and they are either happily lost or sullenly lost. First the child has to come to believe he is lost and learn to trust. That trust is hard to build because trust is one of the things that is built early through conversation. Sometimes, a lot of hugging and a lot of interest will build trust fast - if he will allow you to do this.
Making a child responsible for what he says is probably the most crucial thing. Take him seriously at his word. Just like the new mother with the newborn infant, start talking simply. Make questions short and simple, and then sit with the child long enough for him to respond normally. He is not going to tolerate any length of time doing this because it's foreign, and therefore unsafe. Most of these kids have become content with their little worlds; it's good and enough, and yours is questionable at best. But don't let him off the hook until he responds appropriately - and he can and he will when he learns how.
Make questions
what questions and not
why questions. Most children under 6 have trouble with the abstract why questions, so make the questions what. "What are you doing?; what is the color of that butterfly; what did you eat for lunch; what is that, a dog or a cat? Simplicity means success and he will begin slowly to understand success from failure. But that success has to come from his own understanding. You can't take one of these kids aside and say, "You're a mess and we're going to fix this, now listen to me." He won't, and even if manners allows him to listen, he won't understand. It has to be done in short quick responses over a long period of time so that he begins to learn all over again what he must do.
What the disheartening thing is about these kids, they don't understand much of what you say to them unless it is short and to the point. They don't register a lot of new material unlike their counterparts, so learning is slow and laborious and friendships are hard to make. But they can, and they will if they feel safe and loved.
Some other obstacles:
- Poor processors often talk a lot but don't say anything of value.
- Their hand eye coordination can be atrocious.
- Many constantly draw their mothers into their conversation as some kind of a safety zone.
- Sometimes one will have learned a host of recordings that he will pull out to play for anyone who comes by, but the content of these prerecorded messages he has stored in his brain are aimless and brainless, and those are the things to change through new patters and new responses.
How long to success? It depends - at least a year because they are not diseased; they are lacking and this can be mended. They are not limited by nature, but by experience. One of our little girls needed music and dance added before she made progress. One little boy needed a best friend. The children who have come to our little school have found success and are top students in public school years later. I think a lot of the re-training comes from love and understanding, the same kind an infant gets - unconditional.
Homemade cookies are a holiday special event. Every child likes to bake cookies with mom or grandma. Cookies take a bad rap these days, so as a cookie lover, here are some healthy tips this year to make your cookies a healthy treat:
