Garden School Tattler

This week our theme is Listening to Directions. Listening is perhaps the most important thing a child will learn in preschool and kindergarten. Children who listen well will be at the top of their classes. Listening skills are not "adult skills" because most adults don't listen - they don't want to. Listening means several things that most adults don't like to do.

First, a good listener is able to be silent for the length of time it takes for someone else to speak. Second, a good listener is able to set his or her needs aside for the sake of the speaker. Third, a good listener cares enough about the other person that he or she is interested in what the speaker says without interrupting, changing the subject or simply walking out of the room. Did you ever have a friend who simply could not listen to what you said without becoming so bored and so immediately uncomfortable that you just stopped in mid sentence?

Sharing floor space with some people is impossible because as they say, "It's all about me."

That's the one thing we try to suppress at school. It is all about "us" at school and everyone gets a turn and everyone will listen politely or be sent from the group.

Listening means to hear what the speaker said without molding it into something you want them to say. Interpreting a child's remarks can go awry, because their words are not always clear and their needs are sometimes vague. Every effort is made to listen to our children and figure out what they mean and what they want. That takes a certain kind of effort that years of experience helps.

Good listening begins with a desire to understand. Building confidences in a child by focusing on them as individuals with achieving goals is important. Setting time aside for children to have the floor to say what they think in a group of peers helps build the kind of confidence they need to be successful in big school. It begins in little school.

Points for parents:

When you pick up your child, hang up your cell phone. That does not need an explanation.

When you drive your child home, turn off your radio. That also does not need an explanation.

Make a time to ask your child about his day. This is best achieved when both of you are sitting down.

Make eye contact with your child and smile. It sets a friendly stage.

Give your child more than the adult 1 second rule to respond. Children who are waited for for five seconds to respond usually do so.

Listen to your child play. You may be surprised. Listen to them chatter away at themselves in the bathtub or when they are very busy with something. It is very revealing.

Many parents think their child does not know hateful and dirty words. You would be surprised what we hear at school. Be aware of what you say at home because your child is listening, and there is power in words.

Speak to your child as often as he or she is in the room with you. Many parents find talking to a child about as interesting as making beds. Anytime you speak with a child, you learn something and the child learns a great deal.

Never ask a why question. Cognitive skills are not developed in children under five. They have difficulty with why, but can answer a what question with gusto. Instead of "Why did the grasshopper jump," ask "What was the grasshopper doing," or "What do you think the grasshopper was doing."

Children who are not listened to won't listen. It's easy to see what children are never engaged in conversation with their parents. All behavior begins at home. Be the best parent you can be and talk and listen to your child. It will increase his skills a thousand fold.