Tuesday's Teacher

Discipline; to some it’s an ugly word and to some it’s an embarrassing word. People who “own up” to discipline often have to stand in the crossfire of anger, criticized and judged as “up tight,” “narrow minded,” and “old fashioned” even when discipline works.

“Never say no to a child” is childcare’s response to the unpopular discipline. The myth surrounding such a profound stupidity is that foolish adults believe children think as adults do and therefore children are on the same level as their parents.

They aren’t. Caring adults have experience, perception, recall and the ability to make wise and careful judgments about the world that bring about good and righteous decisions. It’s called reason and comes along after years of watching other formative adults.

When parents say, “I am co learning with my child,” I wonder if the adult grew up in a pumpkin shell. “Learning,” as William Bennett says, “requires discipline and discipline requires values.”

Values are not acquired in a pumpkin shell. They are learned and taught by thinking people who care about right living.

On the other hand, when children come from homes where the adults view discipline and its rules as a mystery or even a rebel style, children struggle with ordinary things like respect towards people, places and things, they are often lacking in skills, social and mechanical.

If play is the business of childhood, even play is at a loss when rules don’t count. How do children fail to learn the basics and fail to adapt to even a minimal cultural training?

Ask Fenwick; he’s undisciplined, can’t follow directions, listen, sit, line up, use a fork, use the toilet in a user-friendly manner or speak to an adult in a polite way. And worse, he doesn’t think he has to because it isn’t expected at home. Daddy doesn’t.

Fenwick’s play is disordered. After months in childcare, he has no friends; he doesn’t know how to play with anyone. He never initiates play of his own. At most, Fenwick nudges other children’s play, knocking down their buildings, scribbling on their artwork and undoing puzzle pieces.

Sadly, the Fenwicks are often treated as hyper active. Fenwick is not hyperactive; he’s undisciplined because his primary educator is undisciplined and doesn’t play by the rules, and like the child, causes disruptions wherever he goes.

Why does daddy disregard ordinary responsibilities like bedtime, nutrition standards and seat belts? Why does Fenwick watch R rated movies? Why can’t daddy make a childcare payment, pick up, drop off, or return a form on time? When daddy is never quite sure when there is a childcare vacation, an activity, a field trip, a party, or a free day, how is Fenwick able to glean life discipline and the virtue of order?

Why? Because discipline is hard and no one, not even Fenwick, is worth the effort.

No matter how discipline strikes the heart, when adults are disciplined it just seems to work and it seems to rub off on the kids. When adults fight discipline and hide from the virtue of regular order, children suffer a lot.

Discipline is no more the enemy than Fenwick.