Tuesday's Teacher

Here's a nice place to go for a family site. It has great ideas about rearing children. Click!



Here's an article: Why Manners Matter

The iconic American actor, dancer and choreographer Fred Astaire once said, "The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any."

If only Fred were still around to see the state of civil society in our nation. I think he'd dance off into the sunset shaking his head in bewilderment!

The issue of public civility is often in the headlines, with politicians and pundits clucking and shaking their heads about the abhorrent examples of uncivilized debate that characterize today's public discourse. Even our president seems to think that simply calling for a more civil tone will restore genuine respect for those who express opposing points of view.

But polite political discourse isn't a path to a more civilized society — rather, it's a reflection of social mores that should dictate public behavior. The reason we're struggling with uncivilized behavior is because (hold onto your hats…) we've turned into a less civilized society.

Only a generation ago, it was still shocking to hear course language in public or in mixed company. It was still considered rude to pry about personal subjects like sex and household finances. Children used to learn not to criticize someone's religious or political beliefs and to treated elders and strangers with genuine respect. We valued modesty in dress and humility in demeanor.

Ponder those social mores as you sit in a restaurant, listening to the folks at the next table cuss about their relatives and loudly discuss their colonoscopies, as you wait for a waitress to arrive at your table and cheerfully ask, "You guys ready to order?"

We're rude and we know it

Not long ago, pretty much everyone practiced America's social mores. Not just the rich or well educated. Not just those from intact families or those raised "in the church." Everybody knew and exhibited the manners and etiquette that reflected an elevated civilization. In fact, back in the day, even the poorest of the poor in America took pride in practicing impeccable manners, revealing the inherent dignity that our founders spoke of when they formed our nation.

Sure, there were bullies and thugs. But they were the exception, not the rule. That's why they were labeled bullies and thugs.

Here's a not-so-shocking revelation: An Associated Press annual "rudeness poll" finds that almost 70 percent of Americans believe as a society, we are ruder than we were 20 or 30 years ago. When asked who was to blame for this trend, the number one response — wait for it — was "parents not teaching good manners to children."

Let's assume that a majority of the people polled are parents. That mean parents are able to see and admit a problem and realize that they are at least partly to blame for it (in this case, mostly to blame), yet they aren't changing their parenting styles or their expectations of their kids.

We parents need to make it our priority to teach our children to practice proper manners. Speaking and acting in a mannerly fashion shows that we respect others. And respect for others is the foundation of all public behavior, including political discourse.

What happens if we don't stress the fundamentals of good manners? We're already seeing the results, with rude, hurtful and violent behavior cropping up among tweens and teens all across the nation. When middle schoolers routinely threaten and abuse each other in the school yard, on Facebook and in text messages, we're watching an uncouth and uncultured generation devolve into barbarism.

Beyond the magic words

Every mom routinely coaches her pre-schooler to use the "magic" words, "please" and "thank you." But unfortunately, because the standards for social behavior and manners have sunk so low, we might decide it's no longer necessary to teach the rest of the rule book.

Yet, as Mr. Astaire noted years ago, our kids won't learn proper manners without a clear example. Nor will they practice mannerly behavior without our diligent training.

Here's some reassurance from a mom whose children were often complimented on their manners — it's worth the effort! Not only will your kids learn to exhibit respect for others, they'll be rewarded with frequent praise for demonstrating a level of civility that has become far too rare among our youth.

Not to mention, if we work hard to instill good manners in our children, perhaps we can improve America's political discourse, one well-bred citizen at a time!

Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events!

Take good care until next week,

Marybeth