We, at the Garden School, hear a lot about schools, day cares and children's groups who refuse to work with parents; who won't give the parent the benefit of the doubt; who literally scorn parents who are trying but may be misguided about childcare. And that's a shame because it really does take more than two parents to shape a life. Yes, the parents are the primary educators of the child, and yes the parents ultimately will be the primary influence on the child, but every time a child moves out of his own home into the world, he will learn, and that learning should come from unbiased and caring adults.
It is a privilege to work with other people's children. It is a privilege to be chosen over other places, other teachers, and other providers who do similar work, and that's how teachers and early childhood care providers should think about their clients.
Young mothers are just that - first timers - inexperienced - sometimes lost and sometimes unsure of what they are supposed to do about any number of situations. That's where experienced teachers, providers and care givers can lend an ear, and idea and a warm smile.
It's not easy. Let's face it. It's not easy to let 27 pounds of mean rule your life. When chaos strikes, that's the time for help. Offering help takes the right angle, the right words, and the right set of values. Experienced providers and teachers are supposed to have those values, and need to put their words into play for the sake of the children they serve. It's not always easy.
One child I know is an ungodly selfish little merchant of meanness. Nothing satisfies this one. There is always something wrong, the child is always ill or feigning illness when the child does not want to comply. Tears, sulk, tantrums, temper, fibs, all take their place in this overriding desire to dominate the parent, the teacher, the adult at hand.
Mom is completely lost. She hasn't a clue how to handle this child, so the suggestions give way to counseling, doctors, medication...and guess what? None of it works, and none of it works for a reason...apples don't fall far from the tree. The child is just like the parent, and the parent hasn't examined her own life with any real critique, so the example of selfishness is like a candy store with the door open.
Working with a parent like this is tough because no matter what you say or how you say it, change is not going to happen. The parent will continue to be selfish and ditto the child. Being straight forward with the parent and telling her directly that the child spends too much time focusing inward and not enough time focusing on the world will never sink in, but it's the most honest thing you can say and do, and the teacher or care provider should never give up because that's her job. Smile and remind this kind of parent that the child needs to focus on someone besides self.
When working with children is a matter physical elements of clothing, cleanliness, health, providers often cringe from telling a parent that a child's underwear needs to be changed every day and that the child, especially girls, need a bath daily. Dirty hair, dirty clothes, dirty child syndrome takes a strong provider with a lot of patience and a lot of moxie to convince a parent that no matter what, children need to be clean every day - for the child's sake. This is where providers can put their foot down.
"Your child needs to have a bath every day."
"I don't believe in daily baths," says the pugnacious parent.
"When the other children don't want to sit next to your child because the child smells, it's not fair to the child. Think of the stigma of being dismissed because you're unpleasant to sit near. The other children won't be able to voice an opinion now, but they will, and the only one who is going to suffer is your child because you'll be at work."
"Well, I don't think my child is dirty. It's a matter of opinion."
"But everyone else does think your child is dirty, and you need to do something about it today."
It's tough, but it needs to be said - for the sake of the child who needs to understand that body dirt should not be a fixture. Course, matted, uncombable hair is disgraceful and will only end up hurting the innocent child.
Ill children who come to school and day care are also a problem that needs to be handled right away. Epidemics start in schools and day cares because nobody paid attention to the kid with the 104. How is that possible? In anyone's morning routine, parents should routinely look at their children, speak with their children, and probably touch their children every morning. This touching, looking and speaking will usually discover that a child has awakened to an illness.
Calling a parent after breakfast to say that a child is running a 104 fever, has vomited most of what he or she has eaten for the last five weeks onto the table, floor, bathroom, hallway, classroom, and just about every crevice in the school is never a fun occasion. This is where an experienced teacher or parent takes the parent aside and reminds them that it is cold and flu season - all twelve months are cold and flu season - and it is always wise to hug, look and talk with your child every morning. That the child must be sent home and because he came to school ill, will be obliged to remain at home at least forty-eight hours.
Working with parents to help children read, write, and do simple mathematics is also a part of the teaching job. Sending home extra work for the children who don't achieve right away is important, takes thought and extra work. It means talking to a parent about exactly what the child can and can't do well, and focusing on fixing it. It means communication all the time, but not a very long time, it means for the next month, the teacher has to be the go getter about fixing the problem. If the parent cooperates, mostly, the problem will be resolved within a month's time.
Working with parents does not mean giving into delinquent behavior from either the child or the parent. It means telling a parent what they don't want to hear and then actually doing something to solve the problem, but being positive about it. Often it takes the parent to solve the problem and good experienced teachers and providers should not weaken when the problem is not solved. Taking parents to task for the sake of their child is the best parent teacher communication there is.
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