Listening to what other people say always teaches us something. Jeff’s comment on spanking makes sense – spanking is a last resort, a very last resort, one most parents would rather never use. And add that to David’s mom’s statement that it’s something we use when the safety line has been crossed is perfect.
Removing the option of spanking from a parent’s right to choose is a little scary. If parents consider a child like Mortimer, and I had one, there are times when the child must be stopped from repeating whatever he is doing that risks his life and the life of another.
And the interesting thing about a crack on the butt is that the behavior usually stops. I don’t know a child for whom a spanking encouraged poor behavior. On the other hand slippery, post-reason lessons, lectures, and talks do about as much for some children as nothing at all. Is it better to stop a behavior with one short crack, or let the behavior rear it’s terrible head a thousand times earning the whole family one frustration after another?
We all want our children to understand what it is they’ve done to encourage our frustration, but sometimes it’s beyond words.
When a child cuts off the 14 inch ringlets of his three year old sister, it’s time for more than, “Sweetie, mustn’t, mustn’t.”
When you stop to read a label, and the 18 month old climbs thirty feet on the scaffold like a monkey after bananas, it’s more than “no, no time.”
When the three year old sneaks out of the house and across town on foot to buy some Jell-O you wouldn’t by him earlier that day, it’s worth a crack on the bottom.
When a child draws with indelible marker on new wallpaper at a friend’s house, nothing will justify, but a crack on the but will get everyone’s attention.
When parents are awakened at 6:00 in the morning with the small voice saying, “Katy’s on the furnace down at the school. I can’t get her down, she’s going to burn up,” it’s poisonous hand time for sure.
But strangely, the idea that fear is a passion that we should deny our children, is dehumanizing. As a Christian, I believe we all have the right to all the eleven passions, and fear is one of them. The passions are neutral, and fear is neither a good nor an evil, because fear of bad is a good thing and fear of good is a bad thing, so the intent of use makes the passion good or evil.
Truthfully, many children go through life never feeling the hand of regret strike them, and that’s the way it should be. Most children will have had all the spankings they will ever get by four. By the time a child is reasonable, spankings seem silly.
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I think spanking certainly is a good option when all else has failed. Hadley tends to be very reasonable - so reasoning with her tends to always do the trick. If we explain ourselves and why something is wrong or shouldn't be done that usually does the job. However there have been times when she needed a swat on the behind and she knew we meant business. Time out does not work for her - never has - she does much better with an explanation - and I'm not talking about the "oh sweetie you shouldn't" routine.. I am, however, not naive enough to believe our approach works for all childern. I have several friends who would never spank, and that's fine - everyone should have the right to decide what's best for their own childern. I do know how annoying it is when a child is acting out and the parents appear to be "afraid" to be the parent and do their job. They let the little monster get away with acting like a spoiled brat. Hadley can still tell you about the time I took her out of a store kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs - she was
2-1/2 at the time. I never laid a hand on her but she has never forgotten the episode. I think as long as you're consistent and never punish in anger you're doing the right thing. Tami
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