The Garden School Tattler

The Garden School staff has the reputation of being able to handle "difficult children." It always makes me smile because it's not a staff that "handles difficult children." It's really a way of life at school that allows a child to handle himself.

Have you ever thought about what part you would play if you decided to uproot and go live in a commune - I know, I know, I'm dating myself. But if the world took a giant step backward because of international war or famine or something, people might have to look to small communities to survive. What part would you play?

It's the same thing at a childcare place that cares desperately about the development of the children in care there. What part does this child play?

There are the helpers, the brains, the artists, the showmen, the organizers, the volunteers, the salesmen, the activists, the pacifists, the soldiers, the craftsmen, and a hundred other roles likely filled at anyone time in any childcare.

Kids learn early to work together if and only if adults step back and let it happen. Children find a niche and then hone skills. One of our little girls came to us very shy, very reserved, a real watcher. She was petite and seemed fragile. Over the years this little gal has watched, waited, and learned about other children. She has perfected her manners, has developed a real thought process that is bent towards absolute good. I can't remember a time she has done a single thing wrong. She is no longer quiet, and this morning she was the queen of the kitchen as the girls decided to help Miss Judy with the dishes. It was hilarious. She was instructing the other children on the proper way to wash, rinse and sanitize the dishes and they were all listening to her.

She helped make her favorite food - chicken pot pie, and then we baked Walnut pie and discussed deep frying squash for lunch which we did and she ate.

We cleaned today. Not sure what she did, but she was occupied all day. But today worked for most of the children because they were busy doing the things they wanted to do. They were helping and they were doing good work that counted. They were being rewarded for their achievements which is what good childcare is all about.

Now what does this have to do with difficult children? Today didn't work for some children because although a good environment is offered, a child may decide that he will disregard the attention of his peers and the rules established by the community - the childcare community. It's at this point that he goes out on a limb to prove that he is invincible and indestructible and a god with a small g.

Many children go out on this limb to see what's up with doing it "all by myself." In the adult world it's called pride, and pride falleth hard. The rewards for goodness and achievement that should frequently make a child's day fail him, and that's a shame.

If his after school environment is a constant stream of prizes, rewards, gifts, toys, and outings, the child will grasp the idea that he is beyond the community and disregard his friends and the rules they have made with disdain. Anyone who tries to over ride his decision to break the rules is the enemy to be reckoned with. And this is where we find some children.

What to do? Without help from home, it's impossible. With help from home, most children discover that life with rewards and praise is a lot more fun than being alone, but why bother if I can do both - be the bully and cog and also get what they want? Pride is only one vice. There are a whole lot more.

The good news? Every day in the life of a child is just that - a new day - a bright new beginning to try on the world. Innocence and joy belong to the child.

So, difficult children? It's all in the eye of the beholder and the lay of the calendar.