Wales

This is really a nice article from Wales, and it's so true. I think there are a lot of men out there who really want to be good fathers, but there are a lot of obstacles that have been set up by the modern world, and the old model is corrupting now and letting people live real lives.

Terry and I saw Casablanca last night. We talked about the lives of the actors and actresses in it to some extent, and laughed at the idea that Humphrey Bogart would have been considered handsome. We talked about what their lives were like as far as we knew, and family life and the importance of children seemed about as distant and unimportant as any afterthought. I was glad to see the article that follows seems to think things are really changing.

Recently, my son in law took a week's vacation to be home with his new born son. When it was time for him to go back to work, he plainly didn't want to go. It's now easy to relate to that. Years ago, I think Rob would have been made fun of.

Last night I remembered being a child back in the 50s and kind of aware of the "fast lane" which my own parents worshiped. Life in the fast lane was the treasured experience, and it meant no children allowed. We lived in California and my parents had the kind of money that allowed them to travel in the fast lane sometimes. Sterling Hayden's family lived down the street from us, and we kind of grew up with his children who suffered the fast lane blues as well. The whole idea back then was wild life first and family second. I don't remember that my parents were ever home. They would take off nearly every afternoon about 4:30 and not return home till morning. Or they would take off on vacation leaving us home alone. Consequently, neither my mother nor my father had any concept of being a parent. I think a lot of the model for fatherhood came out of the desire to travel in some kind of fast lane life that put what children there were in a kind of limbo. The idea for the child was to grow up fast and depend on his own wits to survive and enter the fast lane and continue to provide new dimensions to the parents' life.

When I opted out of the fast lane for the slow lane, I was shunned. I was laughed at and became persona non grata. I discovered what it meant to be a parent the moment my son was put into my arms and I never regretted it one second. I look back at that wanna be movie life, bar hopping, musical beds and shudder. They were the guides to a happy life back there for some and a dream life for others, and now I think the pendulum is shifting and people are REALLY living.

Today I see lots of men chivalrously go off to battle - work - so the mother's of their children don't have to. And some wives do the same for their husbands. I see parents whose lives are focused on their "family" and that includes the kids as a center focus, and it's beautiful.

Men desperately want what women have traditionally had - the love of family, the need of family, the slow lane of tiny steps, laughter and affection from the most wonderful beings - children. A good father is a magnificent person.

ICWales.co.uk

Call for Fathers' Support Groups to Be Set Up
Jun 5 2006
Madeleine Brindley, Western Mail

FATHERHOOD has been made cool by a new generation of celeb dads - but in reality men don't receive enough parenting support to help them bring up their children, research claims today.

Despite the likes of David Beckham and Jude Law helping to show that a father's role has changed dramatically, Barnardo's Cymru said ordinary dads are not getting the support they want.

Figures show fathers are responsible for a third of parental child care as they take a greater hands-on role with their children.

Dads in the media are increasingly seen caring for their children and speaking about what it means to be a father.

But the children's charity report Our Fathers reveals that many dads still feel the parenting support available is aimed at mothers and their needs are overlooked.

It found that men who had separated from the mother of their children felt most isolated and alone, and others have spoken of their frustration that being forced to work away from the family home meant they had less time to spend with their children.

Shon Devey, Barnardo's Cymru children's service manager, said, "The traditional role of the father has changed dramatically over the years. High profile dads such as David Beckham have influenced the public image of fathers, making it cool to be, and to be seen with their children.

"We wanted to find out what being a good dad means and whether their needs were currently being met.

"We could only do this by listening to their experiences, and it is obvious from the findings that we need to create better support networks.

"Needs of fathers are different from mothers. Most don't feel comfortable sharing their problems or experiences with strangers; many are worried about confidentiality and others don't like asking for help.

"About a third of active childcare is carried out by fathers and there is consistent evidence that the quality and content of fathers' involvement has an impact on children's outcomes so it's very important we establish support programmes which meet fathers' specific needs."

The Our Fathers report, which will be launched in Blaenau Ffestiniog today, was carried out by Gwilym Euros Roberts from iGER Associates, to determine what fatherhood meant to dads living in the North Wales community.

The charity is now calling for a fathers' support partnership to be set up in the Blaenau Ffestiniog area which would see organisations and individuals working to improve the quality of services for fathers and their children.

One of the fathers interviewed for the report, who now uses the charity's Ymbarel Incredible Years parenting service, said, "I found it very difficult to cope with the children for years and there was no help available. Then someone told me about this programme.

"Having this kind of support much sooner would have made me a better father and I would also have been able to cope better."

Jack O'Sullivan, co-founder of Fathers Direct, the national information centre on fatherhood, said, "We know children thrive when they see plenty of their fathers - when the couple are together or if they have separated - so it is really important we try to support these relationships.

"We have been through a period of rapid social change and the latest figures suggest fathers are now doing a third of parental childcare for the under fives, in a typical family.

"A lot of child centres and family services now realise they need to change and they want to help dads but they are not too sure how to do it because they are so used to looking after mums.

"I don't think this is deliberate discrimination - these institutions are just slow to catch up with very rapid change."

There's a spring in my step every morning

Speaking about his responsibilities as a father, after he missed a Manchester United training session, David Beckham said, "I put my duty as a father and the health of my son ahead of my football. I think I would always do that. Any parent would, in the same circumstances.

"Being involved is being involved whether you work at a job or work at being a father - men who are closely involved in being fathers are more, not less, likely to be successful at work - men who care, care about their work as well as their children - it's not an either-or situation."

Actor Michael Douglas, who has two children - Dylan and Carys - with wife Catherine Zeta Jones, said, "I probably care a whole lot less about (acting) roles now because I'm happily married.

"And I've got my own lovely children, as opposed to somebody maybe of my age who was alone and their career was the only thing in front of them.

"My priorities have clearly changed because family comes first, which I could never say earlier in my career."

Actor David Jason, speaking after the birth of his first child Sophie Mae with partner Gill Hinchcliffe, in 2001, said, "It is getting more and more difficult to pull myself away after the weekend and to stay away for a few nights. "But the only answer is to say no to work and not do any more. I would be happy to be paid to stay at home."

Actor Russell Crowe, speaking in 2003, before the birth of his son Charles Spencer, said, "Priorities shift with age and maturity as well, not just because you get married and not just because of impending fatherhood. People keep asking me what kind of father am I going to be. I don't know who my boy is yet, but hopefully I'll be the father he needs."

Chancellor Gordon Brown, said of his son George, who was born in 2003, "There are sleepless nights but there is a spring in my step every morning."