While visiting my son's family this past weekend, I was able to speak with some of the wives whose husbands work in Proton Therapy at IBA. Ion Beams and Associates is a Belgian company and part of the work of the company is to build Proton Therapy units all over the world. The work moves people from place to place. In a very short time, my son and his wife Agnes have been in Massachusetts, China, and Florida and are soon to move to Oklahoma. Another wife, Gwen, is from Belgium and is carving out a life in Florida.
Pulling up stakes and moving is not a new thing. My own parents moved 17 times in 17 years with companies, and because they were bored. The moves were not especially hard on us as kids, but as an adult I look back and have no roots. I have no home town, no place that I'm from, and no family life to remember as binding. As a very young adult, I wanted something different; I wanted stability. I wanted a home my children could come home to year after year and bring their children. I wanted these kind of memories.
That's not always possible to have today, and maybe it's not the most exciting or the most valuable considering all there is out there in the world. It's what I wanted because of all my moves, but when I think of the opportunities my son and lovely daughter in law have, I herald their moves and am probably more curious about where they will go next than they are.
Making it work is the hard part. And I think Brendan and Agnes are making it work splendidly. They always make a stake in the community, join what they can join, meet people and form excellent memories. Their children are right in the mix with dozens of friends and lots of activities every place they go. They live about 2 miles from the beach and are there all the time - now trade that for Oklahoma! But Agnes has already made some excellent pre-transition moves and plans to let the children ride horses and have a real western life for the year they will be there, and that's exciting and very new for them.
Moving things is also a big snag. Making the new place as comfortable and warm as the last place has got to be a huge ordeal. I haven't moved kids in 33 years, so what do I know? The details of any move across the country or across the world are certainly not black sacking it across town. Making sure that things arrive safely and then put away in a new house has got to be daunting. Yet each time we have visited, Agnes manages to have a lovely and warm setting very quickly, and that's impressive.
The psychology of moving is not easy. Preparing children for a good and positive change depends on the relationship of a child to his or her parents. When families do this together, are positive about the move, it's always easier on the children. Children are looking to parents for reassurance and steadiness. They are wanting time, affection, and the kind of in home stability busy parents find difficult. But those few reading moments, that calmness, that "go with mommy or daddy to do what must be done" is the kind of bonding kids need to make transition fun.
Getting involved is another positive piece of the moving puzzle. Getting to know the geography is important, and I am always interested in how fast Brendan and Agnes do this. This ability to go and do gives children the sense of belonging they really need to develop new relationships. Feeling as if they belong right away is the most positive part of all the transition.
I admire the wives at IBA. It's not easy to pull up stakes and move, and doing it right is even more difficult. But as I watch the moves come and go, I realize how graceful my son and daughter in law are making it and I couldn't have more pride.
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