Taking a Child Out by Judy Lyden

Taking a child out in public should be a pleasure for both the parent and the child. It should be no more trouble to take a child out than to be at home. But it takes developing a routine and a set of rules that benefit both parent and child.

I was watching a young family at Mass this past Sunday, and I noticed that this family was packed for the event of Mass. It's forty minutes from start to finish, so I wondered why most of this family's house came with them? Whose insecurity was operating here? I wondered if perhaps this child was in day care all week, and the parents were not accustomed to taking him out.

I remembered back to when I first had a young baby and took him to events at our college. I had to be dressed up, and taking a baby dressed up is not always easy, but I simplified it with some thought. First thought - how long would I be away? How may cloth diapers would I need? Would I need to feed him? I hated diaper bags and from the beginning of motherhood, and I insisted on a lovely square black cosmetic case that matched my shoes. The very idea of dragging some obnoxious hamper with every thing in the nursery sent me into a tasteful orbit. I would pack my cosmetic case with the barest necessities and happily go with my son, Brendan, and for the most part it worked out brilliantly, and the purse sized case had everything I REALLY needed. Less is actually more.

As time did what it usually does without our control - passed - I became more and more conscious of what I really needed and didn't. When we went anyplace, we looked out the window of the car and we talked and played with one another. On long trips, I remember packing four days of very small and useful new toys in separate small boxes which we rotated. Food was in a hamper centrally located and easily accessible to everyone. Garbage was collected on the spot. Drinks were had only on stops.

On short daily trips, we left everything at home. I was and continue to be a believer that the outing is the fun, not the focus of what we can bring from home. The very idea that one would bring food from home on the way to the store, church, shopping, or an errand loses me in the concept - what for? The idea of an outing - even to the bank - is a chance for the child to see how mommy or daddy behave. Then he models his behavior after mommy or daddy.

When a child is taken to the grocery store, it's a time for him to see the different foods, learn about all the things there are to eat, visit with other people, and perchance get a treat, help plan the family meals, and vocabulary. If he's sucking on a cup, how does that happen?

When a child is taken to church, it's a time when he watches mom and dad worship God.

Taking food, toys, and distractions means one thing - wherever a parent takes a child, the parent is teaching the child that what is ultimately important is the "thing" that we brought from home, and the place where we are going is a necessary nuisance - not the focus. The child at church on Sunday had his back to the altar every time my eye caught him. He pounded his father again and again, as if he was annoyed at being on this particular outing. He ate, drank, slammed, and argued. What a loss for the parent and the child. If the parent had left all the child's belongings at home, the child would have two things to do - pay attention and learn, and enjoy the quiet affectionate arms of his parents. "Look at that box; that's where God is; look at the pretty colors; that means Lent; look at what Father is doing; that means...."

The idea with children is not to "get through an outing to the end" but to make it count for everyone, every time from start to finish. Packing sippy cups, snacks, toys to distract the child is doing just that - distracting his attention from what is really important - being with the parent to do something real.

Next time you take a small child someplace, try leaving all the paraphernalia at home. Go to the toilet before you walk out the door, and let the focus be on what is outside the child - not what can go inside the child. Let the child explore without fear that he won't be fed. He won't starve in four hours or less - I promise.

Daily chores, daily routines, daily coming and going should be light weight, convenient, and fun. Make it fun by unloading the camel. A loaded camel can't make it through the gate.