Advice from 4 New Dads
The Cigar ClubNote: This article is about the real stuff guys are thinking about before, during and after pregnancy. It is meant to have a healthy dose of humor to deal with topics that are often times uncomfortable for men. BabyFit.com believes women should know what the men in their lives are thinking about during their pregnancy regardless of how serious or silly it can be.
There are a lot of things going on in a man's head during the 9 months that their wife is pregnant. Wouldn't you like to know what they are thinking about? Here is your chance! BabyFit sat down with four of its employees, Dave H., Chris D., Josh K. and Kevin C., all of who recently became fathers in the last year.
BabyFit: What advice would you give soon-to-be dads for helping mom out?
Chris D.: The biggest thing is to stay relaxed. I think that potential new dads tend to focus on all of the crazy changes that are going to happen, versus the good things.
Kevin C.: Listen to your wife. Her body is definitely changing.
CD: You have to be willing to take more stuff.
Josh K.: And be more forgiving.
KC: It's easy to get caught up in the financial changes too that's going to take place and I think you need to think about that.
JK: Also, know she is not going to act the same all the time.
KC: She is also going to have to pee a lot. You have to be ready to stop wherever you are and find a bathroom. Just don't get upset with her.
CD: You'll probably have to do more stuff around the house. Small things, like kitty litter.
Dave H.: She's going to be more tired, just from carrying all of that weight and everything else that comes with it.
BF: How do you deal with your wife's emotions?
CD: You have to get good at reading her.
JK: Some days you definitely have to be there to talk and some days you need to just step back.
KC: And never tell her she looks fat.
BF: Were there any patterns to her emotions?
CD: No
JK: For us, Julie did really well her second trimester. During the first trimester she had morning sickness and was tired. By the time we got to the third trimester she started getting uncomfortable and couldn't sleep as well.
DH: For us, the first trimester we just got used to all the new stuff and her body changes. During the second trimester and into the third you learn to deal with it better, than towards the end it gets kind of hard again because she gets really uncomfortable.
BF: What advice would you give moms to help expecting dads?
DH: I would say (dads) can't read your minds, so as much as you can tell them about what's going on is good, let them how you're feeling.
JK: Sometimes they just don't notice or pay attention, but mom has to change for him.
KC: Dads can get really nervous too, just thinking all the different things that could happen.
BF: How did your time break down during the pregnancy and afterwards?
CD: There is a big difference before and after. Once the baby comes, everything changes.
KC: After the baby is born, all of your time, forever it seems, is focused on that baby. He is going to wake up or she is going to wake up and then you're going to wake up too.
DH: You just need to realize that you can't schedule time. Someone told me not to plan any house projects after the baby because it's the last thing you'll have time to do or want to do. Get as much stuff as you can before the baby comes, because after you won't have any time for that.
JK: Especially the first couple of weeks. It's a really big switch. You don't get nearly as much sleep. But you get use to it. And once you start getting 6-7 hours of sleep again, you'll think, "OK, this feels pretty good."
CD: For me, it seemed like the first 2-3 weeks or, life was completely upside-down. Then there is this transition period, where you're like, "OK, I can deal with this." And there is good stuff going on that whole time, but once you start figuring it out, it becomes better.
BF: What were your biggest fears or some common fears?
KC: Probably losing the baby.
DH: That your wife makes it through OK.
BF: Would you talk to your wife about these fears?
CD: Probably no, because you don't want to freak out your wife.
DH: I just resign myself to avoid thinking about it.
JK: Generally the things I was concerned about, Julie was too, even though we didn't talk about them. I just think that people have been having babies for years and years and a lot of the people didn't the technology that we have now.
CD: You want to be there to support your wife if she brings up those fears. But I wouldn't generally bring them up to her.
JK: Things that scared me right before she was born was that her heart beat was slowing down.
KC: I just thought that whatever happens now is going to happen.
CD: Going back to another question, I think one of the best things you can do is just help your wife stay calm, because I think that ends up affecting the baby.
DH: We quit reading the Internet about stuff; quit reading books after a certain point. Sometimes it just brings up silly things.
JK: I found it helpful to talk to other dads about things too. You realize they are feeling the way that I'm feeling.
BF: How was the naming process and finding out the baby's sex?
CD: Before we were pregnant we decided we wouldn't find out the sex until the baby was born.
DH: We decided to find out. I really didn't care and she kind of wanted to. She was going through so much I thought her vote counted a little bit more than mine.
JK: I wanted to and she was a little undecided. We were both glad that we did. We felt like we could talk about 'her' and not 'it.'
KC: They say that 90 percent of people find out beforehand, something really high. Don't quote me on that.
JK: With us, since there were so many unknowns, knowing that made it feel like there was a little bit more control.
CD: For names, we were lucky we didn't have any real issues. Early on we both came up with a similar girls name and she made a variation of that, which I liked.
KC: We were kind of the same way.
DH: We waited until the end, until after the baby was born.
CD: It's not an easy thing; there are different categories - classical names?
DH: Biblical names
KC: And then you know somebody named something and you're like, "I can't name it that."
Thanks BabyFit Dads!!
Comment: Just a note to say don't lose the practice, because it's the same with menopause!
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