Today at our small school we will be decorating our gigantic Christmas tree. Unfortunately, it can't be a live tree because our heating system is in the ceiling. A live tree dries out in minutes and it becomes a fire hazard. But it will still be fun to dig through the ornaments left from last year and make new ones this year and hang our things on the tree. The old and the new... Today will be a lend and borrow and use and "can I have" day. This is a day when our best manners count.
I always tell the children that manners are a way of taking care of our neighbors. Who are our neighbors? Everyone we meet today. They are our friends, our mothers and fathers, other children's mothers and fathers, even the man who comes in to change the mats and bring paper is our neighbor. The idea that everyone is our neighbor in the big wild world is too big a concept for children - even for us sometimes, so if we settle on those we can see today, the lesson is begun.
Taking care of our neighbors means recognizing them as like kind. Many children are suspect of like kind and treat each other as if the species ends with self. Many children are not even suspect that there ARE any other children and go about truly believing they are the only child - even in a crowd. Manners toward anyone die with a love of self.
Using the words please, thank you, I'm sorry, and excuse me are often foreign words that never seem to find a space in the word bank of a selfish child. This is part of communication skills 101 and needs a lot of work with every very young child. Gentle reminders help. So does ignoring especially rude "I want more milk." We always look at a child who demands rather than asks and cheerfully say, "That's so interesting; I'm glad you told me."
Pushing, shoving, antagonizing other children is part of the bad manner scheme that's become an epidemic today. Just getting children to stand in line quietly is a feat of engineering that sometimes leaves us dismayed. Yet there are some children who are so brilliantly behaved and so obviously aware of each other that it brings tears to our eyes. What makes the difference?
Again, manners are first taught at home and then re-enforced in the public arena. Trying on manners is a personal choice for children these days, and many parents don't think they are necessary or useful in a push shove world. Children who live in homes where manners are something that never apply will have a tough time in public places like school.
Putting someone else first is the best manner possible. Explaining that to a selfish child is like explaining quantum mechanics to me. Selfishness is the antithesis of communication and the ruination of social behavior. So the first thing to suppress in a manner-less child is selfishness. That can't happen if it doesn't happen at home.
Ultimately, most children know what they are supposed to do. Explaining often helps, but first a child has to listen to understand what the instruction is. So you can see it's a wheel of behaviors. Getting on the wheel at the right time is the key. Days like today may be one of those opportunities.
Today we will talk about caring for one another, sharing, complimenting and taking care of one another's needs. It's a good practice for manners.
More about specific manners later.
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1 comment:
The best compliment someone can give me as a parent is to tell me my child is well mannered. This is something we talk about and work on nearly every day - it's that important to our family. We even discuss situations that H has experienced when other childern were ill mannered and how that makes her feel. I think sometimes she learns more from the bad manners of others and how it makes her feel than anything we could teach her. Hopefully the lessons she has learned at home and her time spent at GS will carry through her lifetime.
Tami
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