One of my beloved parents who is studying nursing asked me today what I thought nurses should know about preschoolers. My first thought was "that they are not toddlers." This lead to a lively discussion of stages of development.
Nature is not as kind to baby lovers as it is to preschool lovers. Mothers get one year to dote on their infant as an infant. Once a child is walking, and that usually happens at about a year, the child is not an infant anymore. It's time to let go of the infant care and begin to dote on the child as a toddler. A child who is walking should walk; a child who is beginning to use words should be encouraged to use those words; a child who is grabbing food from your plate should be given his own; a child who is moving away from a parent on his own recourse should be taught the word "NO!"
During the toddler years - and you get two - parents should make sure that a child learns to do certain things. It's building the foundation for his life, and there are windows of opportunity that should be allowed to be opened so that learning can occur. One of these things is mobility. I once had a friend who would not let her child play on the carpet because it was dirty. The child never got to move inside his own home. He never got to explore, play on the floor or experience anything but being chaired or penned. One wonders what a toll that took on his development.
Between the ages of one and three, children will want to do one thing more than anything else - run. Take a child anywhere, and he will race off because it feels great. He's directing his own power, his own body, he's learning. It's as if he's sixteen and has his first car and that car is a race car and it's all his. Wow!
The toddler should learn how to eat at a table. He should learn to use a spoon or a small fork. He should begin to drink his liquids from a cup. Sucky cups, or cups capped with a device for sucking, only breed sore throats, ear infections, bronchitis and strep. Children should learn how to handle a cup at meal times, and take a water break a couple of times between meals. Sucky cups filled with juice breed not only illness, but rotten teeth and contribute to obesity. Table rules should begin to apply to the toddler who is sitting with his parents. This is where the word "NO" comes in.
"NO" is the command word that trains a child to understand that which is permissible and that which is not. Toddlers don't need long explanations, they don't need to be talked into anything, and they don't need to know why or why not. They just need the "NO" and it should be loud and firm. Toddlers don't have the cognitive skills to wonder why.
Toddlers need to be toilet trained. This is something that should always be completed by age three, because there are cognitive skills that children can't acquire until toileting is achieved. The optimum age to train most children is eighteen to twenty-six months. If a child is not read at this point, the parent is not treating the toddler like a toddler, but instead, the parent is treating the child as an infant. Stealing time from a toddler to make him an infant is simply unfair.
Toddlers should be encouraged to speak in full sentences as soon as possible. A child tries to communicate from birth, so listen to him, talk to him, and ask him questions. A child who speaks well at two has parents who want their child to achieve great things, because communication means getting your point across easily. Poor communicators will always be poor communicators. Don't speak for your child; let him speak!
In the toddler years, a child should be given the choice of the red one or the blue one; what ice cream flavor, which of two dresses, and if they would like a second ride on the carousel. But a toddler does not choose his bedtime, what he will watch on TV, or whether he will bathe or not.
Difficult children who will not learn "NO" and will not take direction, and demand to be allowed to make adult choices need one thing: a cry space, a place in the house where they can scream out their anger, their frustration, and their disappointment. When a child is finished his nasty little tantrum, he is welcomed to come play again. Firm parents who never cave will bring a difficult child into line quickly and that's always best for the child and for the family and for development.
At three, children who have accomplished all that is necessary as a toddler, will move into the preschool years with ease. At three, children need to begin to listen, and they will want to listen, because they understand that they learn from listening. They learn to listen and then they listen to learn. They can't listen well at two because at two, most children are the Narcissus of Pool. They are so busy indulging themselves, they don't notice anyone else in the world. At three, they are bored with Narcissus, and it's time to explore and discover other things and other people. Listening skills develop over the next three years, or the preschool years. These are extremely important years because this is where their student habits will come from. A successful listener will always be at the top of his class.
Threes hone manners, social skills, rules, and "doing" skills. Art works for a developed three year old as does singing, memorizing, letter learning and simple arithmetic. Threes can be taught languages, songs, and many facts. They may not understand the facts, but they can learn them.
And what happens after?
Threes listen; fours write; fives discover imagination; sixes are fixed for ever - and I think I'll stay six now for ever and ever.
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