Pumpkins

Therefore, I felt compelled to do some research and compile a fact page of my own.Comment: I thought this was hilarious! The name "pumpkin" means stinkfruit in the language of the sasquatch. A pumpkin once won first prize at a fair after a nearby spiderweb was discovered with messages like "radiant", "humble", and "some pumpkin". The pumpkin was promptly baked into a delicious pie and the fair display was thoroughly fumigated. Stand in front of a mirror in a dark room and crack a large pumpkin in between your teeth and it makes a spark. Pumpkins can save a marriage when used to imprison your wandering spouse. The pumpkins of the Cucurbissic era were huge, teeth bearing, omnivorous creatures until an asteroid carrying pumpkin-flu struck the earth and wiped them out. Unfortunately all the photographs of them were destroyed by the cataclysm so it's your word against mine. Africanized-Killer-Pumpkins are already in south Texas and the will be here in a matter of days. Pumpkins are 90% water, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. Pumpkins were once hollowed out and worn as shoes by the Soured-Feet-Tribe of ancient Mesopotamia. Did you know that you can lightly salt and roast pumpkin seeds before you throw them away? There is a pie that contains pumpkin but the name of it has unfortunately been lost to the ages. These days we call it chim-choom pie or something. The ancient greeks infiltrated an enemy city by hiding soldiers in a giant pumpkin and presenting it as a gift so that the townspeople would unknowingly bring it into the city walls. It worked so well that they did it again to the people of Troy, but they won't tell you that in your fancy history books. You can smoke dried pumpkin in a pipe if you're stupid enough. One time this kid a couple of towns away was eating pop-rocks and swallowing pumpkins whole and he, like, died and stuff....for real 'cause my cousin's from there. You can't fold a pumpkin more than eight times. That eyeball on the back of a dollar bill was originally a pumpkin but the decision was made that it wasn't quite creepy enough. Pumpkins play dead when cornered, but most people can't tell. On Halloween night, the great pumpkin rises from the pumpkin patch and that one kid with the thinning hair never sees him cause he falls asleep like baby. .....Loser. The largest pumpkin pie on record mostly just went to waste. Pumpkins are used as currency by inmates in prisons all over the world. A purple pumpkin would really be weird. Think about it. Carving faces in pumpkins started when an inmate on Alcatraz carved a pumpkin to look like himself sleeping in an elaborate escape attempt. Pumpkin are traditional carved with triangle noses like Michael Jackson. That's where we get the name "Jacko Lanterns". Thomas Jefferson originally wanted the national bird to be the pumpkin. When Ben Franklin told him that it wasn't actually a bird, the resulting battle of intellects cracked the Liberty Bell. The Pumpkin-flavored instant breakfast drink known as "PANG" went into orbit with the astronauts. When a child buries their beloved, departed dogs on the hillside, red pumpkins continuously grow in that spot for the rest of your life. The end. Believe it or not, when pumpkin mature on the vine, they don't have faces at all....and only 75% of them have candles already burning inside them. For any pumpkin sold in the U.S., the goverment actually has a set acceptable amount of rat droppings that may be in or on the pumpkin...and the store can't legally charge you any extra for the rat droppings. It's like a bonus or something.