Going to School

BACK TO SCHOOL:
Blaze an easy trail into preschool, kindergarten, 1st grade
By ALIAH D. WRIGHTGannett News Service

Cara Halstead Cea knows her 8-year-old son Christian - he’s sociable and quickly adjusts to new situations.But years ago, when it was time for Christian to take his place among new kindergarten classmates, “I looked at his face and he just looked so nervous and I got teary-eyed and he looked like a baby to me,” says the Westchester, N.Y., mother of two, who gave birth to her second child, Angela, on July 24.

“It was hard. I just wanted to walk in the classroom and sit down next to him and stay the whole day.”

Experts say such nervousness among the parents of preschoolers, kindergartners and first-graders entering classroom environments for the first time is nothing new. How to handle the angst is key.

“Going into kindergarten in our culture is considered to be a rite of passage and it’s not unusual for parents to get worked up about this transition,” says Dr. Ellen Lynch, associate professor of Early Childhood Education at the University of Cincinnati. “Preschool can be a nurturing, homelike environment and suddenly (parents) feel like they are thrusting their children into ’real school,’ which is so very different from the world of preschool.”

Jerri Daniel, deputy executive director of the National Association for the Education of Young Children, an organization that accredits preschools and kindergarten, agrees.

“Sometimes when we build things up as a really, really big deal, we can scare children. So the first step is to know your child and ... know how they will adapt to change,” Daniel says. “If they are hesitant or feel uneasy then you probably need to get started earlier than later” in helping them prepare for the new environment.

What do you do?

Experts say make sure both you and your child know what to expect long before school starts. Do that by contacting your child’s school district. Visit Web sites to find out what paperwork and health files are necessary. Consider visiting the school before the first day.

Walk to school or drive the route the school bus will take. Peek in the windows, play on the playground, discuss the upcoming school year, and explain what the routine will be like before and after school.

“You might also want to engage an older child who’s going to the same school who might walk with you and your child to school a couple of times ... so that your child ends up with a buddy if you will,” Daniel adds.

Francie Alexander, chief academic officer at Scholastic, Inc., and author of dozens of books for very young readers, says parents can show their children pictures of themselves at that age. It also doesn’t hurt to send your child to school with something familiar like “a special pair of socks, a little note in their lunch bag - a reminder that they are still connected to their parents.”

She says refresh your child’s manners as well. “There’s a connection between kids that have manners and reading success,” says Alexander, a former deputy assistant secretary for policy and planning at the U.S. Department of Education. So “review pleases and thank you’s and saying hello and role play a little bit.”

Role playing, says Barbara Hedspeth, a licensed clinical social worker at Family & Children First, a private nonprofit counseling center in Louisville, Ky., “gives a child a concept of how to respond when something comes up.” Setting a precedent will help your child respond to trying situations.

She adds that your child should have some level of expectation when they sit in their new environment for the first time. “The best thing is to explain to the child beforehand what’s going to happen.”

What if your child has special needs? Allergies, asthma, or the like? “You just want to tell the teacher,” she says, and have an action plan in place.Remember above all else, experts say, that children need reassurance.

“I did all the things that I would recommend any parent do: Tell the children that you love them, that you will return to pick them up at the end of the day, and wish them a good day,” says Dr. Stuart Chen-Hayes, an associate professor of counselor education at the City University of New York’s Lehman College. He says he remembers well the first time he took his son, now 3, to preschool.

“It was hard the first few weeks, but as we gained confidence in the preschool teachers and their skills, it became easier to separate.”

Comment: Part of the problem with separating is number of children. When the one going off to school has several siblings, it's a lot easier for mom because the "baby" is at home. In today's much smaller family, the child remains the baby for a long time. Sending a child off to school means the child has taken that step out of the house into the public world alone. It's a shocker to a lot of parents.