Why is it so important to lock step with nature? Isn't it OK that children are toddlers for five years and infants for three? Every step of growing up has a purpose, and not one of these time zones should be manipulated for another one that is "more precious" to us. Children have a right to grow up the way nature intended, and not at someone's whim who just likes babies better than toddlers or preschoolers.
In the infant year, a child bonds with his parents. He learns what safety is, what pain is, what pleasure is. He learns to laugh, about self, and what being alone means. He learns to crawl, to sit up, to cry for attention, to eat, to enjoy being warm and being entertained. He learns about his body and about other people's bodies.
In the second year and third year, when a child turns one and up to three, he's a toddler. He learns how to walk, how to talk, how to use the potty, how to sit at a table, how to eat with a fork, how to sleep in a big bed, how to dress himself, how to run, and especially, he learns the word, "NO."
At three, a child is ready for preschool or the activities that one finds in preschool like listening, like art, counting, how to write his name, bright children learn how to read, they learn to sing songs, line up, play with other children, go places, do things, and ask questions.
In grammar school, a child learns to separate from parents and become his own little person.
Great, you say, but that year of infancy is just not long enough, so I'm going to keep him a baby for some of the two years of toddlerhood. I'm going to streeeeetch that baby year into nearly two if I can help it because I love babies and I'm not ready for little Fenwick to grow up just yet.
So Fenwick is an infant until he turns two. At two, he's just starting to be a toddler. He's still sitting in the playpen with his fingers in his mouth. He's still using a pacifier, and his speech is still pretty much goo goo and gaa gaa, but he's so sweet. By age three, Fenwick is a long way from potty training, he couldn't write his name or even be trusted with a pencil, he is still sleeping in his crib, and using a high chair. But guess what! It's time for preschool.
The problem with this "infantilization" is that Fenwick has spent too much time as an infant, and he hasn't learned what he should have learned as a toddler. He can't do what he's supposed to do...can't sit at a table or manage a fork. He's pooping like an elephant in what amounts to a depends. He can't make himself understood, and preschool, quite frankly, is out of the question, because Fenwick doesn't even know there is a word, "NO." He couldn't line up to save his life, and he couldn't listen, participate or even give up his pacifier. Fenwick's main mode of communication is tears!
By the time Fenwick is five, he's barely potty trained and it's time to start kindergarten and there is no way that he's ready to even separate from parents much less put in a cerebral day at school. Sooooo, we're going to keep Fenwick home to do his school aged years trying to catch up with the other children...ooops! The window of reading opportunity is going to close just about the time Fen decides to use the toilet...
By the time Fenwick starts big school, he's behind, socially limited and he's missed more than he's gained by remaining mom's little infant. And what has mom gained? A constant feeling of frustration because when she's finally ready to push Fenwick from the nest, he doesn't want to go. He still wants to sit in laps and suck his thumb, but he's five feet two...
In all ways, this is child abuse...loving, caring child abuse...it's neglect. A child is not a boutique item...he's a child. Nature gave us strict guidelines, windows of opportunity and purpose to every age. Parents have a duty to give up babies when they walk. They have a duty to run after toddlers, and say "NO" fifty thousand times a day. They have a duty to potty train, to table train, to de-pacify, to talk to and expect a child to talk back in full sentences.
So when a child is supposed to be ready for preschool, he is ready. He's ready to spend three years listening, learning and getting ready for big school.
If parents love babies so much, have another one, but don't keep a child a baby forever.
Children who lose the preschool years lose the one element in their education that they may never get back... the ability to listen and the ability to use an imagination that is fostered by listening in the preschool years.
From three to five, children will absorb more information than any other time in their lives, and if this is wasted on doing two year old stuff, that's a shame.
Let kids grow up. Let them learn what they should learn when they should learn it.
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