Stepfamilies

Here's some good advice for blended families and all families.

Karon Phillips Goodman

WHAT NOT TO DO on Stepfamily Day
Annual Observance Set for September 16

This past weekend, blended families throughout the country will join together at community picnics, barbeques, and other events. They have good reason to celebrate: while nearly two-thirds of all second (or later) marriages with children end in divorce, these families have beaten the odds and survived.

Stepfamily expert and author Karon Phillips Goodman has a few thoughts about what stepparents should NOT do on their special day:

· Worry about how “unblended” the family is. Instead, recognize that you’re making progress every day toward being the family you want to be.

· Openly compare your own children to your stepkids. That doesn’t help anything, and could interfere with the kids’ efforts to accept one another.

· Expect the rest of the family to read your mind. Instead, speak up when you need to and communicate clearly so everyone can understand.

· Get involved in everything that concerns your stepchild(ren). If your spouse is able to handle the situation alone, let them!

· Replay all of the mistakes you’ve made. Instead, accept that—like everyone else in the family—you will grow in your new role.

· Raise an issue with your family only to complain. Instead, come up with some suggestions or solutions before you start the discussion.

· Obsess about a recent conflict with your stepkids’ other parent. Instead, learn from it and be better prepared the next time you meet.

· Expect more from others than you’re willing to give to them. Respect, courtesy, and honesty are two-way streets—and they even run inside your home.

· Forget to laugh. At those moments when stepfamily life isn’t terribly fun, look beyond the immediate troubles and find the humor in the situation, let go of a hurt, or see the good that surrounds you.

And finally,

· Don’t do any of these things the other 364 days of the year.


Karon Phillips Goodman publishes a free monthly newsletter, “The Stepparenting Journey.” Subscribe at her website, which also has articles, online courses, and other information for stepparents. Karon is the author of the award-winning book, The Stepmom’s Guide to Simplifying Your Life, as well as It’s Not My Stepkids—It’s Their Mom! both from EquiLibrium Press.