Childcare is Not Boring

Rearing a child is not a dull experience. There are lots of selfish parents who think their lives are the only lives that count, that the very idea of spending time and energy on someone as insignificant as a child is beyond any expectation – at least for them.

Lots of selfish parents pass the job onto their spouse – could be the mother passing the work to the father, or the father passing the work exclusively to the mother. And what this narcissistic parent is saying is: let someone else do the work, let someone else build these children’s lives, I’m busy taking care of myself.

“Isn’t the fact that I’m here enough?” I’ve heard that one. “Isn’t my paycheck enough?” Heard that one too. The answer is no. And more times than not when an unselfish spouse is married to a selfish one, the children are short changed. One overworked parent carries the entire burden of rearing the children, much like the ant, and the other parent, the grasshopper simply amuses himself.

The parent is the primary educator of the child, and when the parent absents himself for any reason, the child’s formation is in jeopardy. The family is not set up to pamper one member while the other members go without.

Yet in a world of quick divorce and many marriages, that seems to be the ticket. “Make my life uncomfortable, and I’m leaving.” So the worker parent sacrifices everything for the one, and the grasshopper ends up leaving anyway out of guilt or because he or she is gets tired of a work horse partner. And if they stay, they stay with a chip on their shoulder which makes everyone uncomfortable.

Partnership in marriage comes from a deep desire to build something with someone. To build a life, to rear the next generation with someone you love. It’s an investment in the future, “a building up of riches” anyone can be proud to take into the next world.

Yet there are times when it all gets confused, and that confusion comes out of narcissism or a desire to love the self first and foremost. Then, the partner who is rightfully asking for the attention promised in the marriage vows becomes the enemy. Treating the spouse like an enemy amounts to deceit. It leaves the burden of what marriage is supposed to be about - real and genuine care - to a single parent, it leaves a partner alone with all the responsibilities of marriage and none of the rewards.

When I hear from someone how rearing a child is boring, I cringe. I wonder about all the other lacking pieces of life and wonder just how unhappy the bored adult is in all the other aspects of his or her life.