Computers and Kids

This was written by an old friend of mine. I think it’s a really good article and well worth reading.

Hackers Aren't Usby Mary Biever

"My kids won't go to THOSE websites. My daughter surfs the Internet forhours alone in her bedroom every week, and she's fine. We use 'X' servicewhich guarantees my kids stay safe." I've heard comments like those from parents for years.

The following arestories about my life with a son who has the heart of a hacker. How do we stay ahead of him? How do we keep our computers - and him - safe?

Before children (11 years ago), I worked as a network administrator for a small company where I was the queen of anti-virus Nazis. Viruses were mydeepest fear. Every outside file was checked by me before it was used. The few times the policy was violated, I shot lightning bolts from myeyeballs, raised my eyebrows, and gave the offender a look that would freeze Medusa to stone. Then I sent an office-wide email in ALL CAPS just to showI was serious.

Eleven years of experience with paranoia compounded daily means we are loaded with security measures. If I could manage a network of computers, I could certainly keep ours safe from our children.

My computer is in our living room, within 10 feet of the kitchen. WhereverI am in our main living area, I can see the kids while they use it. Kids have different attitudes towards computers. My daughter sees them as atool. My son has the heart of a hacker. When he sits in front of a keyboard, he looks like James T. Kirk. When he clicks, I can almost see him thinking how to discover unknown worlds about which Mom doesn't have a clue.

Our son could click before he could talk. (He didn't talk well until he wasfour, but it sounds good.) He couldn't read but clicked on pictures. I thought if I were there, he would be harmless. Yeah right. Several times,he reset my clock back 4 years and changed my location to the Philippines. He had found how to get to that cool clock picture and the map of the world,and he thought he was playing.

MY computer? He was a preschooler, and I would out smart him. I installed a program called KidDesk. It worked great for a year. KidDesk automatically started whenever the computer booted. That worked great until we upgraded to a new computer. This time, I didn't try KidDesk but just put a password on my screensaver. I wanted to limit the time the kids spent on the computer. When they asked to use the computer, my answer was always, "Yes, later." Later meant five minutes, and they found something else to do.

Richard knew my password. Richard types slower than I do, and our son watched him type the password until he memorized it. Then I caught him typing it. Fine. He knew the password, but I could change it. I didn't realize he was standing beside me when I went through the screens to change it.

He couldn't read but memorized the Windows sequence. He thought it would be anew place to play. His way of playing was to turn off the password protection altogether. After that, I watched the kids more closely and set a timer. They could useit no more than thirty minutes daily.

Over years, the kids grew comfortable running and installing computer games. My children are now nine and eleven. My paranoid phobia of viruses has now expanded to spam and spyware. We use multiple firewalls, anti-virussoftware (definitions updated regularly), and multiple anti-spyware programs.

Windows XP was a great improvement because I give the kids their own ID'sand rights levels. They play and experiment but stay harmless. Internetsecurity filters have parental controls set to their highest settings. My email is set to the highest security settings.

A year ago, one of their friends moved to Asia. The kids wanted to exchange email, so we set up email for both kids. They've just used email to correspond with their friend and immediate family members. I retrieve their messages on my email to preview before they ever see them.

Computer use is a privilege, not a right. Safety comes before freedom. We used the Internet to augment lessons; both kids use Google as a verb instead of a noun. They still use the computer in the living room, within a few feet of me.

This summer, however, I got comfortable with precautions. They would take care of my kids, and my kids could handle themselves. Last month, my son asked if he could play a computer game with a friend. Sure, I answered. They are both nine and do well on the computer. What'sthe problem? I was in the middle of fixing lunch and asked no other questions.

In the middle of lunch, my son came into the room and gave me a hug. Immediate mom melt. He looked up at me with those innocent eyes, smiled,and said, "Mom, I love you. When's your birthday?" That's just what I needed. He's planning my birthday and wants to do something. I told him. He continued, "What year were you born?" I answered that question too.

Ten minutes later, I began to hear a strange conversation about downloads. This was worth some questions. They wanted to play a free game online and searched to find it. The game had to be downloaded, and they first used their own information. They were too young. My loving son asked me my birth date because they listed me as the downloader, and he wanted the year right. Who knows what other information they answered on the questions? They intended no harm. All they cared about was their game. They caused no problems, and they were at a clean website.

Six years ago, he didn't know the consequences of changing my time or location. Now, he didn't understand he might have opened up a Pandora's box of spyware and malware. I explained to both boys why this was not a good thing to do. It's my fault, however. I grew lazy and comfortable. He's still a nine-year-old boy. I can't rely upon technology to protect my son or my computer.

I'm responsible for monitoring him. Now I listen more closely and check what he's doing more often. If he can use my information to download software when he's nine, I'm going to have to think smarter and work harder to keep him safe.

Bottom line: the best computer security protection you can give you kids is active, involved, and vigilant parents.

Mary Bieverwww.marybiever.com

workshops@biever.com